I’m sure some of you haven’t seen this great video from the very clever and funny Eric Schwartz. I always get a chuckle and nod from it. Enjoy!
Lyrics, for those that want ‘em:
Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis
©2004 Eric Schwartz
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
You can keep the virgin mother
And the resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I’ll keep my penis off of you
Well I’m frickin’ sick and tired
Of turning on the news
And seeing the religious right’s
Ungodly fight to take our right to choose
When to bear our children
Who to love and how
Education and protection
If we’re just practicing for now
So dubya look obey a book
If that’s what works for you
But I don’t tell you how to pray
So don’t tell me how to screw
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
You can keep the virgin mother
And the resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I’ll keep my penis off of you
So you’re screaming bloody murder
‘Bout the taliban regime
For subjugating women
And being too extreme
And basing legislation
On some ancient holy book
Does that sound a bit familiar?
Here’s a mirror, have a look
And as for the ten commandments
They need one more at least
Thou shall never cover up
The acts of pervert priests
How’d they let that happen
Unless they just abhor us
Well anyway it adds
Another layer to the chorus
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
You can keep the virgin mother
And the resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I’ll keep my penis off of you
So you’ll execute a person
And protect a single cell
But mercy-kill the terminally ill
And you’re goin’ straight to hell
I don’t know much about
The word of God
Far be it from me
But I can tell you what it ain’t
Hypochristianity
I am not anti-Christian
Before you grab a rope
There is beauty in religion
And joy and love and hope
We’re all looking for an answer
Some colossal cosmic cause
But who the fuck are you
To turn your views into my laws?
It’s just believers in the bible
That would have abortion banned
Anti-choice agnostics?
I could count’em on one hand
And as for killing babies
I have but one retort
If someone raped your daughter George
You’d beg her to abort
And if some young girl from your church
Shows up with child or some infection
‘Cuz you taught her what a horrid sin
It was to use protection
One day you’ll face the pearly gates
And whatchu gonna say
When that long-haired Jewish peacenick
Sends your ass the other way sayin’
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
I’ve had it up to here
With all the biblibile you spew
Keep your Jesus off my penis
(at least that’s what I would do)
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I’ll keep my penis off of you
That’s if’n you want me to